Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
