Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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