i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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