Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
