dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
