I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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