Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
