What did we do last night that was yellow?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
