I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
