i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Mom said you looked used
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize