I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
