as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
