i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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