she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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