2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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