I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
