You smell like a Billy Joel song
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
