I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
