Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
