I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
