everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
