she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize