I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
