Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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