is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Nicole vs. Life
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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