there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This is my gift to your gina
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
