Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
