It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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