Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sext me about skeletons
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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