don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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