i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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