So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
