Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
