He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize