Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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