; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
