We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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