you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
