This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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