he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize