If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Enjoy the penises
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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