Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
