Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Welp...herpes.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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