He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
