things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dear god my vagina.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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