Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
