I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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