dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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