stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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