What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I fill condoms, not promises.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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