dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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