Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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