I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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