There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
