I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
