On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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