hotel room ftw
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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