is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize