it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Randomize
