Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
