Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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