So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
