you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
