my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
