I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
