There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I lost the right to judge tonight
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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