It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
