he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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