What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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