He had one of those small greek statue penises
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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