fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
