I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
