Soap is not a condiment
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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