i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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