I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize