He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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