No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
