Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
