He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
