I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
