i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
