did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
