So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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