i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
