hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
