When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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