Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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